Worst Foods For Beards And How To Combat Them
So I asked Twitter to come up with some subjects to blog about and this one stood out by far.
The Worst Foods For Beards!
OK folks so I have made a list of the foods that must be the worst ever to eat if you have a moustache or beard. Obviously this may be different for some folks dependent upon the length of your beards or even style but there we go.
Here are the solutions
The absolute worst for me is...
Soup. Soup gets everwhere in the tache and then dribbling into the beard from either my tache or my spoon.
Solution: Tuck beards into shirt if long enough. Maybe find a spoon that has curvier sides?...
Ice Cream (Coned or in a tub or bowl) there is no way a bearded man can just bite into an ice cream let alone lick one without getting it on the moustache, it just isn't possible.
Solution: The best way to eat it would be in a bowl and by having small bites and not letting it get all melted.
Cereals (Or anything milky) always, always tend to drip milk, there may be days when you get a little or none dripped on you if careful but the majority of the time you will get milk beard. Best get it mopped up and washed as you don't want to leave it there for fear of having that rancid milk smell develop.
Solution:Tuck beard away or eat cereals dry. Tucking the beard elsewhere will minimize beard hair casualties.
Toast with Jam/Cheese/Etc always makes for a sticky gooey moustache. There is no way you can dodge it if you are growing out that lip fur.
Solution: Turn the toast upside and hope the topping sticks and doesn't drip or fold that toast in half to show only the untopped sides and slide it in.
Don't look like the guy above.
Sandwiches are an awkward one as sometimes damage can be avoided but most tend to eat a beard sandwich, this is when you go to take a bite and some hair or another climbs on to the sandwich and joins in in your mouth... Not fun. Especially when growing out your tache this needs to be avoided.
Solution: Some have mastered an ancient technique passed down through generations where the eater of the sandwich holds the bread with the little and ring finger whilst the other fingers create a passageway though the hair in which the sandwich can travel unburdened by hair. Masterful right? Or you could just cut the sandwich smaller...
Hot Choc (With or Without Marshmallows) will get onto and make for a sticky beard mess. The marshmallow being the worst bit by getting stuck and then drying makes you want to pick it off. By doing so you will damage or pull out any hairs in that area.
Solution: Use a straw, leave the marshmallows. Don't eat this while you are out and about. Carry wet wipes.
Candy Floss is a nightmare. You take a bite and become fused with the floss creating a nice looking pink beard but you know something isn't quite right.
Solution: Don't eat off the stick. Take a handful and shovel it in dodging the hairs. Be careful.
Don't do this, this is beard suicide.
Ribs are amazing but they have a downside especially when glazed and sticky and so tasty. The sauce will become entwined in the beard creating horrible little moustache and beard dreadlocks.
Solution: Take the meat off with a fork or knife, use wet wipes when you need to. Don't rush, take your time and savour them delicious ribs.
These to me are the worst foods you can eat with a beard. Just remember to reduce damage take your time and remember your training grasshopper.
- Cut food smaller.
- Tuck the beard away.
- Fold foods (Pizza, Toast Etc)
- Take your time and enjoy it!
Easy! I hope you have been enlightened. Go out there into the world and show people bearded people aren't keeping food in there to save. We are clean and tidy and don't need a bib damnit.
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